Advice For New Chastity Relationships
You will need to start of gradually. Ease into it by wearing the device for a few hours at a time, and then building up from that. You need to let him know that you will need an adjustment period in order to bring chastity into your relationship. A good start to this might involve going shopping and selecting a chastity device and work out which might best fit your respective lifestyles. This is the perfect opportunity for you both to select a cage that you like together. Part of this excursion should involve accurately measuring him up for the perfect fit as well. It might seem like a small thing, but if you’re going to get one, it is important that you buy the chastity device. The chastity device is your device. It is a tool which is placed on him. It seems simple but if you make it clear that the chastity device is your toy, then it’ll switch the psychological aspect of play quite considerably for the better.
BOUNDARIES IN CHASTITY RELATIONSHIPS
Establishing boundaries, rules and regulations is probably the most important discussion that you will have when it comes to male chastity. It is important to make it clear what your expectations are and what you both need from each other. In this respect it’s extremely important to discuss the following.
You will need to discuss how long it will be until he gets released. When you first start off you might be more inclined to set up time limits of a couple of days. Once he has managed that you can then slowly increase it. In time, you can add rules and regulations. The most common issue is that many men will initially say that they don’t ever want to be released. He can’t possibly know that when he has first started with his chastity device, and any indication to the contrary should be taken lightly with a grain of salt. You might want to agree to a small period of no sex as well. Ensuring that he still has the ability to clean himself in the shower and have periodical release in the shower.
You will also need to talk about what he needs to do in order to earn an orgasm. Keeping in mind that you can sexually stimulate him at any time, and do whatever it is you like, just without the orgasm. The orgasm is the ultimate release. This discussion is where you can inform him of your desire to be pleased, the more he does in and out of the bedroom – the more likely it is that his penis will be let loose for some exercise and some play.
As with most kink activities – you will need to develop a safeword. A safe word should only be used to indicate to you that he is not just complaining about his cage in the sense of the performance. A safe word will indicate that his cage is causing pain, there is some emotional issue that needs to be urgently dealt with, or anything similarly urgent. For some, chastity devices can have great effects on the mind. Some men might be overcome by the chastity device and need release because an emotional memory has been triggered. If your partner uses the safe word, or phrase, then you must immediately release him, stop any performances or activities around chastity and discuss the problem with him as soon as possible.
For your own sanity, and everyone involved – it might be prudent to set limits on the level of chastity chat that you and your partner have. As with any shiny new thing, it can become a little obsessive. In order to preserve your sanity – set limits on the amount of time that you can both talk about chastity, and set fixed times for these discussions. It might seem anal, it might seem over the top but I can guarantee you that it will be worth it.
You’ll also need to draw out his expectations of the situation and find out exactly what he is wanting from the arrangement. Initially, they might be more intense and in depth than what you are wanting, or if you’re introducing it might be the other way around. During such discussions you can acknowledge the future and where you’d both like chastity to head towards, but the primary concern is dealing with the immediate expectations and what you’re both willing to provide, and what you’d like to work towards. Repeat this discussion as you become more experienced as a chastity couple and learn to make mistakes, grow and find out precisely what is and what isn’t working for you both.
Taking care of your new possession is a simple task. It helps when you get in the mind frame that his penis is pretty much under your control. You have the key to the chastity device and he can’t access his penis for any reason unless you expressly allow it. In the beginning pretty much every single chastity device that your purchase, unless you go all out and get it custom measured and fitted, will provide physical issues. It might not sit right, it might rub things the wrong way, and invariably there will be some issue. It’s a good idea to remove the cage every few days and have a thorough inspection of his genitals. What you’re looking for are sores, redness, chafing or any indication that the device isn’t fitting or sitting properly. If there are any issues, you should consider leaving him unlocked for a period of time until they heal and work out what the issue might be. Chafing can be fixed with lubricant for metal cages, and some talcum powder or similar for a silicone cage. If it’s obvious that it’s just not fitting right, and it’s not going to fit right – then you should consider ordering a different chastity device, or sending the one that you have back for an adjustment – however this is dependent on the regulations of the place that you bought it from and whether it’s a custom fit or can have aftermarket attachments placed onto it. This is a very normal part of the easing into it process. Once things are fitting right, and you aren’t having any problems, you can begin to ease up on the inspections. He’ll also need to be unlocked for inspections and cleaning less often. Just because he is unlocked does not mean that he will automatically get an orgasm, and this is something that needs to be made perfectly clear to him. Otherwise what will happen is that his body will be trained into expecting an orgasm every single time that the cage is unlocked – and this is really not a very good position to be in especially when the fantasy revolves around the idea of teasing and denial.
PSYCHOLOGY OF CHASTITY
Chastity, in a way, is about taking ownership of his penis. Once you have locked up his penis with your device, his penis is now also yours. Some people might have problems with chastity because they’re unable to get into this kind of mentality. If you can achieve this mentality you will find the idea and allure of chastity to be so much more. He doesn’t own his penis, his penis is your toy that just happens to be attached to his body. Your toy exists for no one else’s pleasure but your own pleasure and amusement. You can take out your toy and use it whenever you like, and you can put it safely and securely back into the cage whenever you deem fit. Thinking about chastity in this way will make it so much easier to make it a part of your lifestyle and your sexuality. You aren’t locking up his thing, you are locking up your toy. This is a powerful concept and just goes to show how much chastity and chastity play has a psychological component to it.
A male, especially one that has brought it up themselves, will often try and push you into being further into the play than what you’re capable of in the beginning. Do not, under any circumstances, let him push you into going any further than you want to go yourself. You might not be accustomed to being in charge, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s also not going to change the fact of who you are the second that you lock him up. There needs to be an adjustment period. Be very careful and avoid the idea of letting him be a ‘top from the bottom’. This is a common concept in BDSM and power play, which means that whilst you might appear to be in control he is actually manipulating you into making you do whatever it is that he wants. For this reason, it is very important that you learn how to politely, and in the nicest possible way, simply say no. Remember to stand your ground. Chastity is the purpose of surrendering himself to you. That doesn’t mean that you have to become a dominating person in all aspects of his life, but it does mean that you will have to enforce the boundaries that you have both set and established throughout your conversations. Over time, with patience, mistakes and understanding your confidence will grow and you will be able to take more control as you want, and with how comfortable you are with that.
Sometimes it might seem easier to just quit. Throw everything away and never to think of it again, aside from it being a failed experiment. You might feel that male chastity is certainly not for you and this is an especially common thought in the beginning of any chastity relationship. He might become difficult, his mood and behaviours might change and this in turn might cause irritation to you, with the temptation being to just pull the plug and end it and return back to the way that you guys were. He might also have the inclination to become obsessed with chastity and to talk about it incessantly with you. Remain patient, and remain calm. He might be trying to push your buttons and this might result in you thinking about just ending it. It is important to remember however the following point. In the sense that you, as key holder have a lot to adjust to, he as a chaste male also has a lot to accommodate for and adjust to. He might have been in chastity before, he might not have been in chastity before, but if you’re reading this then he has most definitely not been in a chastity relationship with you before and there is an adjustment period that needs to be made. Agree to a minimum trial period if you want, a month or a couple of months is a good period of adjustment. Just don’t make it less than a couple of weeks or more than a year.
Men are quite famed for their inability to talk. Males will sometimes turn any conversation about feelings into a conversation that’s more objective in nature. You’re perfectly capable of using your power as a key holder in making him talk, in order to fully understand what is going on through his mind. You might need to help him become a better male, he might love the idea of being punished and rewarded. Both are very common fantasies. In the beginning however, as you’re both learning. You don’t necessarily want to punish him for breaking the agreement, or from attempting to take control of the situation. What should be important, is that there is a discussion about it and you can take this opportunity to let him know that you will unlock him, and disregard the concept of chastity it is something that you’re just not interested in. That’s not to say to be cruel and lord such a threat over him, but the real punishment in such situations would be the ending of chastity.
Relationships can be tough, new relationships concerning male chastity aren’t overly mysterious or difficult. What they do require is communication, effective listening and a firm hold and understanding on the realities of the situation. Learning to be a key holder will require the willingness to manage the role in such a way that it is comfortable and beneficial for you. By doing that, it will begin to satisfy some of the fantasies that drove him towards the idea of chastity. Above all else even if you disregard everything that has been said within this article, have fun and make it your own.
Establishing a male chastity relationship isn’t mysterious or difficult. It does require a firm hold on the realities of the situation and the willingness to manage the keyholder role in a way that is comfortable for you and that at least, begins to satisfy the fantasies that drove him to starting this with you. Most importantly, have fun!