What Is Orgasm Denial Play?

It seems counter intuitive when you read the heading for this one doesn’t it? Orgasm denial for couples. It’s not like you’re going out to purchase sex toys for couples where the point is to get one, or both of you, off into orgasmic bliss. This is where you’re denying that. Isn’t the point of sex to have an orgasm to experience sexual release and intimacy between two partners? Well, yes and no. There are a multitude of ways in which a male can have sex, that doesn’t concern penetration, or actually the involvement of penis at all. Let’s begin with some kind of definition on this; orgasm denial is a sexual practice which sees the limitation of the frequency of one’s orgasms. This might be in the form of chastity, or it might even be in the form of a ruined orgasm which is also common in some BDSM relationships and which is defined as being the stimulation being removed before orgasm, but at the point where ejaculation occurs, or an alternative form of stimulation such as pain being applied to override the sensation of an orgasm.

WHY PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING ORGASM DENIAL

The definition is the easy part. The trouble and complication occurs when we try and explain our reasons as to why we might want to do this – and this is where some people simply do not understand. What’s an even bigger complication is trying to explain the relationship between love and orgasm denial, and what this can potentially mean to a couple – especially when people aren’t necessarily understanding of BDSM style relationships and are familiar with the darker sides of kink and fetish play. This article aims to explore that idea, and attempt to open up the curtains as to why people enjoy orgasm denial, and the benefits that it can have on a relationship. When you’re involved in orgasm denial games there is a partner, usually the male, who is refused or denied the ability to orgasm as much as he’d like to.

This seems fairly easy, however when you’ve been denied orgasms you will miss it, suddenly it will become the thing that you want to focus on, breathe and experience all the time. You don’t really know what you’ve been missing out on until its well and truly gone. And that’s kind of the sensation that you’ll experience when you first delve into orgasm denial play. It doesn’t sound fun does it? Trust me in this regard, there is a certain recipe for it which might see you being denied the sexual pleasure from an orgasm, but you will very quickly be able to derive sexual pleasure from a host of other things which will not only benefit your sexual life, but also allow you to channel such energy and focus into other aspects of your life. You might hear people saying this a lot when it comes to sex and chastity and orgasm denial games, and quite frankly it is true. When you no longer have the ability to pleasure yourself the time that you’ve spent working out new fantasies and sexual games will be denied to you as well, allowing your mind to refocus itself onto other endeavours with the knowledge that you can’t indulge yourself sexually. The recipe for orgasm denial has four main components, these components are love, honesty, desire and frustration. We’ll add a little bit of sex into the mix of course.

The Loving Component of Orgasm Denial

The loving part is pretty easy. You love your partner and you let them love you, and vice versa. When you’re in bed, you’re not always making love to satisfy some primal and raw need, though the idea of quickie sex is purely to satisfy an urge, but there’s generally more to it than that. Making love is about making each other happy, both physically and sexually. Sex and happiness in this regard is not the most important part of sex, it’s the intimacy that surrounds the act. When you’re not being intimate, there’s an absence of love and the sexual activity that you’re having can be purely described as fulfilling a primal sexual urge, and is devoid of love and intimacy. Making love is more than just sharing genetic information in the hopes of making a child, nor is it about the exchange of bodily fluids for the purpose of laying back there and saying, yes, I made it, I just got laid. Love, when involved with sex, is about finding what makes your partner happy, learning about their body and what turns them on and what special little kinks that they may or may not have. It is here where the acts surrounding sex is more important that the physical aspect of sex, it is the post sex discussion that you might have when laying in each other’s arms where you might learn the most about your partner and they might learn about you. No-one is a mind reader and to truly explore each other, you’ll need to talk, not just about sex, but about life, dreams and aspirations.

Honesty In BDSM Relationships And Orgasm Denial

Honesty. Honesty is an interesting one, because we can be an honest person in life, we can tell our partner everything and generally be considered honest but there might be that one small aspect that you’re holding back on. Honesty in life is an enlightening experience, and it holds its roots in a lot of faith based lifestyles, including the Tao lifestyle. You might be surprised to learn that a lot of BDSM relationships unwittingly draw from Taoist sexual practices, in the sense of openness, honesty and communication which leads to an enlightening experience. Chances are, if you’re reading the articles on this website, or you’ve just jumped onto this article there’s a very good chance that you’re not just a vanilla individual, and that you’re looking for more out of your sexlife. Even if you’ve never read about BDSM, not sure about the different kinds of kinks out there, the term orgasm denial or even male chastity might have caught your attention. You might enjoy the idea of being locked up in a cage, or you might be the partner that wants to see their man caged up and denied the ability to orgasm. Think about that for a moment, and let yourself be honest. Either you’re enjoying the idea of experiencing something like this, or it’s been on your mind for a while, or you’ve read an interesting article recently, or maybe you were watching some kinky cougar pornography and that type of play came up which saw an older woman taking charge of a younger man.

Admitting ones kinks and fantasies is probably one of the hardest things to do in a relationship. So they know you, they know who you are and how you operate and chances are they’re going to know how you react to something – but this involves a lot of assumptions. A lot of couples don’t like talking about sex because they feel that it takes the magic away from the act itself, they might have been brought up in a conservative household and sex wasn’t something that was discussed openly – whatever the reason its very clear that couples need to spend more time talking about sex and their sex life.

Not talking about your sex life, and your secret inner fantasies, might result in a wedge being driven between you. You might not even realise that there is a wedge, nor might you realise what the cause of that wedge is, but when you’re not being honest to yourself or your partner then there’s the potential for trouble down the road if you’re not allowed to discuss your fantasy. With the idea of orgasm denial, and the ability of submitting your control to your partner then that is something that you need to articulate with them and be honest with them about. Letting them know about your innermost fantasies and secret sexual desires.

Now with that in mind, that’s not to say that you should drop everything and run and tell them every single little thought that you have. Therein lies the problem of oversharing, but if it’s something that you’re generally interested in and something that you’re willing to try out, then it should absolutely be brought up with your partner. Not all at once though, you might be inclined to give them some breathing room and casually drop a fantasy or two into the conversation one night, and then let the discussion make its way naturally from there. Some fantasies we might want to remain as private thoughts, you might feel that your partner might not be ready to explore such kinks or might be disgusted or repulsed by them. But, if you’re never going to take that leap of faith and bring something up in the conversation, then you’re going to be living behind a closed door.

Bringing such things up in a conversation is never easy – but there are ways to do it. You might want to casually drop in the fantasy into a conversation and see how they react, or you might be inclined to refer to a TV show, or an article that you read online or some other variant of that design. You might even suggest some kinky lingerie for her as a way of spicing it up which is generally a safe way to introduce new things into the bedroom. It’s not necessary to explicitly come out and say I’m interested in orgasm denial, because that is a kind of confronting statement, you might want to try I read an article on, or what do you think about something like this – as a way of bringing the fetish into the conversation. You’ll never know where that path might lead, but you certainly know where the path is going to lead if you don’t say anything and be honest with not just yourself but your partner.

This is why BDSM couples are arguably much more adjusted than regular couples, the honesty and communication that BDSM couples have is vastly different than other couples. It’s not easy to talk about what turns you on and what fetishes and sexual activities that you might be interested in are, and that brings together closeness and intimacy. Even if you’re partner is not that keen on your fetish they might try it for you out of love and respect, or they might offer an alternative. You never know, unless you talk to them.

Desire And Romance In Relationships And Orgasm Denial

Another ingredient in the recipe for orgasm denial is the sense of desire. Orgasm denial needs mutual desire, you need to be into it just as much as your partner does. Orgasm denial needs a specific desire for physical intimacy and this is where the contradiction lies. Orgasm denial both needs and rejects physical intimacy. But it’s important to keep the following in mind, just because you or your partner is under orgasm denial, doesn’t mean that the other partner isn’t. If you’ve read the science of male chastity you’ll understand that males are continually spiking in their hormone levels during an active sex life. Once they ejaculate, various hormones and body chemicals will plummet, over time they’ll slowly rise up again and then he will ejaculate the cycle will begin again. You might have noticed that when a male is aroused he might become a slightly different person, he might be more attentive, more in tune with your emotions and your desires and he might be more loving. Now if you deny him orgasms, then he will be in this state constantly. Partly this is because he might seek sexual activity from his partner, and partly it is because the levels of the hormones are slightly different in an aroused male, by keeping him in a state of arousal through the denial of his orgasms, you’ll notice that after a week or so that he becomes almost a different person.

The desire aspect doesn’t really matter if you’re the one denying the orgasms, or the one being denied the orgasms. It’s almost human nature to always want to feel the emotion of desire for and from your partner – and this will definitely be amplified if you intend to practice orgasm denial. This is one kink, that ramps up the level of desire between both partners. This is where the denial of orgasms work – all the energy and focus that you would have put into the pursuance of your orgasms is now coursing through your body and trying to find a way out – you’ll quickly learn to adjust to this and be able to channel it in productive ways, but instead of being able to sate that desire, you’ll instead be forced to increase your own desire for your partner in an attempt to get them to sexually release you and you’ll be full of all sorts of positive emotions such as love, desire, and energy. If you’re the partner doing the denying, then you will inevitably feel desire as you become accustomed to their heightened state of arousal. You will feel loved, needed and wanted.

Frustration In Orgasm Denial

Now we get to the frustration aspect of the recipe. Some might be surprised that I have included frustration as being a necessary component. Now I don’t necessarily want this to focus on sexual frustration, though it’s inevitable that it does get a mention in an orgasm denial piece – though what I specifically want to focus on is the preparing of newbies into the world of fetish. There will be many frustrations as a result of reading online forums that concern orgasm denial and will label the sexual activity as being a part of some hard-core fetishist’s wish list. Yes, there is no denying that there will be sexual frustration when you’re examining orgasm denial, but this form of frustration with this particular sexual activity does have a kinky side to it. Though there is a pleasure to this frustration. However, especially if you consider yourself to be fairly vanilla, prepare yourself for the fetish world.

Unfortunately, there is this stigma that BDSM play is violent, and not at all loving and affectionate. This in part has been played upon by such popular culture as Fifty Shades of Grey, as well as the representation of Kink in popular culture and TV shows such as CSI which generally paint kink play as some deviant form of behaviour. This is not the case. What is often focused on is that there are a small number of kink extremists within the fetish community that are often overrepresented in media and popular culture. There are a small group of crazies and fanatics out there, and this is true of any social group, religious group, sexual group, or any other kind of group where people congregate under shared systems of values, and beliefs. In orgasm denial, you might be hard pressed to find individuals in loving and consensual relationships, and you might be surprised to know that it is often the crazies which are the loudest and most vocal. These people might proclaim that men are inferior creatures, and that they deserve to be continually locked up, shamed and emasculated. You might also find such people that proclaim this, only to discover that it is an adopted persona that they utilise and that the don’t necessarily believe in that verbatim, but they adopt that persona to help them deal with the particular kind of fetish that they’re associated with.

Regardless of where you sit, the purposes of your kink, it is important to take such people with a grain of salt. There might be truth behind their words in the sense that they believe it, or it might be an adopted persona, and it’s very difficult to tell the difference when you’re merely reading text that has been plastered onto a page. Don’t let them force their views onto you, explore the kink and the kink world as you see fit and don’t let others spoil that exploration or cause you to rethink your values. Kink is interpretable and it can mean as much or as little as you want it to.

When it comes to such kinks as orgasm denial, the aim is to improve your sex and your sex life. It can ultimately lead to love making that can take place over hours, and even days, as you edge your partner and deny him an orgasm, or “force” him to perform various tasks and sexual favours in order to secure his own release. Orgasm denial gives you a solid reason to stop in the pursuance of your own orgasms and sexual desires and ultimately focus on the act itself and the relationship that you have with your partner.

It might sound crazy, where the idea is that you have to give up something pleasurable, or deny the act of giving pleasure to someone else. I know that it might sound weird at first. But, if it’s something that you’re interested in then you have nothing to lose by giving it a go. At the very least, it’ll be an entertaining and blissful experience.